Expectation: The Great Tragedy

Relationships. Thanks to an evolutionary advantage given to those of our ancestors who formed cohesive societies, today's modern 'man' has instilled in him an excessive need to form and maintain relationships with other members of the same species.

Despite my bitter opening paragraph, relationships do have their advantages; some evolutionary, some social. The evolutionary advantages I see are: security, reproduction, self-evolution through group cooperation. The social advantages I see are: appearance of being well-liked and easy to deal with to other individuals, people to appreciate one's achievements, politics. I feel that doesn't quite cover everything (it's a subjective list).

Neglecting the evolutionary gains associated with maintaining healthy relationships, the facet most seem to concentrate on is the negatives associated with relationships. Mainly, the difficulty it takes to initiate and maintain them.

From my point of view, the cause of all relationship headaches (and possibly the cause of all headaches in general, I haven't quite fleshed that part out yet), is expectation. When one expects something from another, and that expectation is not met, disappointment is experienced. Similarly, when an expectation is placed on an individual from another or from society, the pressure becomes uncomfortable, although a small sense of pride may be gained if the expectation is met.

An example I use is of the friend vs. the 'more' than friend:

In a relationship with one's friend, you meet (may or may not initially like them) and a plethora of random experiences determines the future of your relationship with them. One is not normally conscious of this, and doesn't think of the future of their relationship with a friend. It's not as if one can look back in 20 years and think: "I planned we'd be best buds right now!"

 By contrast, a relationship with someone who is 'more than a friend' is much different. The individual is constantly thinking of what the next move will be, hoping the relationship pans out as they wish. Being the eternal optimists humans are (in general) we only see the course of action which benefits us, and on some level, we expect this outcome to occur. When chance events cause a potential 'special relationship' to not develop as hoped, the individual becomes disappointed, sometimes depressed, and can even lead the individual to feel their own life is worth less than it was with the delusion that their 'significant other' was still on the right trajectory.

I feel that it is these expectations that cause individuals to lose their freedom in 'relationships' (you don't often hear about two friends, one of which is 'whipped' to the other). As such, I chose to conduct all my relationships on a very simple and obviously inferred premise - no expectations. This can quite often be difficult, but it allows one to act freely based on how they feel, not allowing social constraints and the concerns of other individuals to affect one's happiness. I feel this way brings a much stronger emotional and physical intimacy with others, as its a free act, not influenced by anything other than what it should be - emotion.