Rejection

Today was a momentous occassion. For those of you that don't live inside my thoughts (I'm assuming that's a fair majority), today was the day I posted my letter of rejection to the Australian Defence Force. For the last year and a half I've had my sights set on becoming a civil engineer with the Australian Army. My logic behind this was I'd be able to visit war-torn communities and help rebuild, while gaining a sense of camaraderie and team spirit in the process. When I told my friends, they only seemed concerned because it meant I would be moving out of the state, meaning they would see less of me (naive though they were in thinking that we would see each other if I stayed). Only a few told me that I was being a hypocrit, as my personal philosophies were so obviously anti-establishment a move to the Defence Force was in itself illogical.

However, I mostly dismissed these comments, ignorantly believing that this was the only way for me to help others while doing something I loved. I knew I didn't want to be a corporate engineer and thought this was the only other option (other than poverty). So, after completing the lengthy application process last year, I was selected to go to the Australian Defence Force Academy.

In the past few weeks I considered the offer I had. I had friends already at ADFA. I'd be living independently. Getting paid quite well to study for free. Have a guaranteed job at the end of my degree. Get to travel overseas. I knew once I got into the Defence Force I'd be relatively happy, but only if I forced myself to be ignorant of what I was doing and what I was advocating.

It seems like an obvious choice. Go to Canberra. But that last point kept niggling at me. I'd be supporting that which I had spent the last 6 months working so passionately against. In the end I realised that I can achieve what I wanted from the army in other areas. Camaraderie, volunteering, building, all combined. The road will be much more difficult, but I'll be taking it on my own terms, not owing anything to anyone, and as a result much more rewarding. This is the only way one can be truly happy, by relying on oneself, and not being so insecure as to feel a need to cling onto others (this attachment can take many forms).

The most poignant issue which made me change my mind was when I considered the purpose of the Defence Force: To defend Australia. Plain and simple. This is the end, and any means will be taken by the government to ensure this. As a member of the Defence Force, I would not be able to question the moral validity of this decision, I would be expected simply to obey as it's "In the best interest of the country". As someone who doesn't believe in nationalism, and as a human being, I could not expect myself to do that.