Expectation: The Great Tragedy

Relationships. Thanks to an evolutionary advantage given to those of our ancestors who formed cohesive societies, today's modern 'man' has instilled in him an excessive need to form and maintain relationships with other members of the same species.

Despite my bitter opening paragraph, relationships do have their advantages; some evolutionary, some social. The evolutionary advantages I see are: security, reproduction, self-evolution through group cooperation. The social advantages I see are: appearance of being well-liked and easy to deal with to other individuals, people to appreciate one's achievements, politics. I feel that doesn't quite cover everything (it's a subjective list).

Neglecting the evolutionary gains associated with maintaining healthy relationships, the facet most seem to concentrate on is the negatives associated with relationships. Mainly, the difficulty it takes to initiate and maintain them.

From my point of view, the cause of all relationship headaches (and possibly the cause of all headaches in general, I haven't quite fleshed that part out yet), is expectation. When one expects something from another, and that expectation is not met, disappointment is experienced. Similarly, when an expectation is placed on an individual from another or from society, the pressure becomes uncomfortable, although a small sense of pride may be gained if the expectation is met.

An example I use is of the friend vs. the 'more' than friend:

In a relationship with one's friend, you meet (may or may not initially like them) and a plethora of random experiences determines the future of your relationship with them. One is not normally conscious of this, and doesn't think of the future of their relationship with a friend. It's not as if one can look back in 20 years and think: "I planned we'd be best buds right now!"

 By contrast, a relationship with someone who is 'more than a friend' is much different. The individual is constantly thinking of what the next move will be, hoping the relationship pans out as they wish. Being the eternal optimists humans are (in general) we only see the course of action which benefits us, and on some level, we expect this outcome to occur. When chance events cause a potential 'special relationship' to not develop as hoped, the individual becomes disappointed, sometimes depressed, and can even lead the individual to feel their own life is worth less than it was with the delusion that their 'significant other' was still on the right trajectory.

I feel that it is these expectations that cause individuals to lose their freedom in 'relationships' (you don't often hear about two friends, one of which is 'whipped' to the other). As such, I chose to conduct all my relationships on a very simple and obviously inferred premise - no expectations. This can quite often be difficult, but it allows one to act freely based on how they feel, not allowing social constraints and the concerns of other individuals to affect one's happiness. I feel this way brings a much stronger emotional and physical intimacy with others, as its a free act, not influenced by anything other than what it should be - emotion.

The internet over 5 million terabytes of information. Such volume of data and knowledge has never been seen throughout human civilisation. Amongst the mass of 1s and 0s, one can learn many incredible things, once thought to be impossible.

We can discover the potential of stretchable organic LED's, hoped to one day become a computer in a contact lens, allowing an individual to experience and interact with their surroundings intimately and infinitely.

We can discover carbon nano tubes which in the near future will allow us to construct an elevator to a space station orbiting Earth.

We can discover the amazing developments made in the fields of renewable energy, observe the hard evidence showing the effectiveness of geothermal, solar and wind, and witness adolescent attitudes and ignorance squander our chances for human evolution.

In such a wondrous environment its quite easy to generate a disconnect from the physical reality. Most would frown on those who privilege the virtual over the physical, claiming they are hiding from the truth, 'reality' as it were, and need to 'discover' themselves in order to live 'properly'. The physical world, like the virtual world, is filled with many breathtaking things. Breathtaking, but in a different way to the world wide web. I wouldn't be quick to judge those who choose one over the other, but I feel that both can be a truly awesome experience and it would be disappointing for one to miss an opportunity to experience both at some point in their fragile, fleeting life.

The power and majesty of the universe and our pale blue dot consume my being. It's only when we realise we are one with the universe that we can begin to really connect with our environment - emotionally, physically, spiritually.

As the late great Carl Sagan once said:

For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.